Find myself to be myself

July 19/16

There are words that are just sticking in my mind like glue… I’m thinking about my situation with Liam and I sort of know what his reaction will look like if I say this is the end of us. I know what will happen if I say I need you out of my life, he will be happy for me that I made a decision to get hurt less and he will leave my life no questions asked.

Knowing that makes my head spin and apparently it also gives me panic attacks and paralysis and crying all at once. I suppose it’s going to take a while to let this go. My heart is pounding and breathing is a chore. I’m really tired now, I’m dizzy, anxiety attacks are work… work I forgot about. I’m sad and tired and my body is weak.

I’m giving myself this week to figure out my shit, on my own. I need to push my emotions and find myself and where I stand. I can plan stuff and let myself be myself for a while, no distractions. I’m sticking to this plan, I have me and that’s all I should need. I know I’ll never fully love myself but I’m still here for myself.

xx Hailey

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