I hate to say it

July 15/16

Liam and I went out for a nice dinner to that little Italian place in Covent Gardens where we went on our first actual date. I love drinking with him because he lets me  get away with more relationship esque stuff, like holding his arm, kissing him more in public and hugging him. He really isn’t into PDA, to be honest neither am I but when I’m with him I do want to be somewhat affectionate and when I’m drink it comes through more.

I love it when I kiss his cheek and then he pulls me into him to actually kiss me properly. Sometimes this thing we have can be sort of romantic, even if  that word makes me cringe. Saturday will be so much fun, I can’t wait. I wish I could have slept with Liam tonight, sometimes the alcohol makes the sex better, and sometimes kissing too.

The way he holds my hand when we walk together through London is such a good feeling. I wish he could see the potential we can have the way I do, the way we could work together.I really hate saying “I wish we were together” but it’s how I feel.

Maybe I will meet someone at my new job… I hope I do because loving Liam is pointless and I need someone who is capable of loving me back. I’m so into Liam it’s hard to even see other guys… I don’t paint him to be amazing, he’s a little amazing by himself. I still feel like whatever girl gets to keep him is a lucky girl, and I wish that girl was me.

xx Hailey

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