Emotions can be paralyzing

July 8/16

So as the days go by I am just getting more and more frustrated with Liam… like sure,  make time for everything but me… a couple of weeks ago he said he didn’t have any commitments this weekend. And then last weekend he said he could see me Saturday, then on Wednesday he said he could see me on Sunday and now he’s saying only a couple of hours Saturday or Sunday… I’m so frustrated I’m crying.

I’ve been trying so hard this past week to be positive but it’s just wearing off. I’m so annoyed I’m shaking… I’ve tried so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt but I’m so annoyed and mad… I’m getting mad and I keep asking myself why I feel this way. We’re not together and he has no need to spend time with me, I’m like always an after thought.

I’m so done and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but I don’t know, things need to change or I should abandon this. I feel like I’m just going to walk away from him with tears rolling down my face but continue to do it because I’m just that hurt. I don’t like people who blow me off, sometimes I honestly feel like saying “fuck you”.

It’s probably true that we are a nightmare together. I am more frustrated  and earlier I was paralyzed… my emotions are so strong sometimes that they can literally be paralyzing. He replies to me the next day a lot and my anger and frustration are making my blood boil because I’m tired of being the last person he feels like he wants to spend time with.

The worst part is I will never not have this problem, bipolar is forever… relationship or not. Fuck bipolar, fuck me, fuck it all! Why am I even so mad? I have a stupid boy who doesn’t want me, doesn’t miss me, doesn’t even care if I move back to Canada. But then he’s going to take me out to dinner on Thursday, honestly can’t understand him to save my life.

When will that moment come when I’m just over this and can tell him no thanks? Being done with all of this would be nice. Emotions put in the trash, cruel bitch can come out to play because I need to be harder and stop getting hurt.

xx Hailey

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4 thoughts on “Emotions can be paralyzing

  1. Keep your head up. Happiness in a relationship is out there. Being bipolar makes it very hard to walk away even when we know the relationship isn’t going to work. I’ve been where you are and sometimes “fuck you” is the best option. We all deserve better than being someones second option.

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      1. For some reason they are always the hardest. I’ve learned “you always want what you can’t have” to be one of the truest things I’ve ever heard. The problem is making yourself not want that person anymore. It took me almost 2 years to realize that. Once you allow yourself to let go and be open to other options is when you’ll find someone who sees you for who you are. Guys suck but the right one is out there. You’ll find him, or he’ll find you.

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