That guy I fell for

July 4/16

I’m getting nervous about time… I will have to let Kate know around the time she is leaving for her holiday in Greece if I’m going to be moving, that’s not even two weeks away. I have two interviews between now and then. I feel so depressed about my circumstances right now… also not really going to talk to Liam, he hurt my feelings and its obvious he needs a break from me. I mean ultimately if he finds me to be a handful not too sure why he’s still here… I feel unwanted, like I just don’t cut it and I’m hurt.

So easily hurt by a guy who told you he didn’t want you from day one…surprise, surprise. Why would he say he’s happy that I decided to do this with him when I get to hurt and pay the price. Of course I get to pay the price, the price of falling for a guy who treats me so well for no reason, a guy who will stand with me in the pouring rain because I’m upset and in tears. A guy that wants to treat me like I’m his girlfriend when I’m not. The guy who calls me while he’s out at a party to make sure I’m okay.The guy I keep falling in love with because of all the little things he does that make me feel really lucky to have him, and those big blue eyes of his don’t help.

I’m basically in love… it’s so hard because he brought me here and doesn’t feel the things that I’m feeling, and I’m so confused about how this is all happening. I was not in love when this started,  and I wasn’t that thrilled about how he treated me the first night I spent with him, and yet somehow here I am… in love… feeling like an idiot.

I feel like I missed something because most of the time it feels like we are together,  the only real difference is a label and labels aren’t worth a lot anyways. But sometimes as soon as he opens his mouth my heart just breaks a little. I miss Ireland… Ireland was a turning point for me. I started to have deeper feelings for him and there was no turning back. I really thought we were just done, I didn’t cry at first, but later I just got really sad and started crying…

xx Hailey

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