Canada Day and I am celebrating with prosecco and chocolate. Yesterday night when I was with Liam in bed I learned some things I didn’t know about him before. He is as bad as me when it comes to making other people tell you exactly what they want (in bed). Maybe it’s because I’m like that he wants me to tell him that I want him. Apparently he likes dirty talk, which I think is amazing and hilarious since he’s British and he seems so reserved, I would never have guessed he would like that but apparently he does.
He was pretty cute but still incredibly sexy in that moment. I guess when some things catches you off guard, but you are grateful for those things. I like learning things about him, makes him more interesting. I care so much for him and having him in my life has taught me a lot about love and myself actually. He’s always honest with me and that’s so important to me. He may not love me but he definitely likes me.
He has said some things to me that have resonated with me, like how my insecurities are sort of ruining the relationship we have. Also that they are unnecessary. He doesn’t want or need me to question him anymore, I just need to trust him. I suppose now it doesn’t matter that much anymore because I’ll be leaving. I’m not ready to let go of the best guy I know… he has become one of my friends and I’m going to sincerely miss him with all my heart, but he’s not attracted to me. He won’t have to move on because there won’t be a need, he has nothing to move on from.
I don’t think he will make any special exceptions for me just because I live on a different continent. I’m pretty sure he won’t talk to me much and we will just leave our friendship at the airport. I’m afraid of how moving home will dictate our friendship… I am so scared to get on that plane and basically lose him right then and there, it makes me so sad just thinking about it.