I will miss you…

June 27/16

The prospect of moving home becomes more real all the time… as I have been saying, I’m not done here yet. I want to go on two more trips before I fly home permanently. I will miss London as it has become my second home and for the time being my first home. Most people only ever get one, I’m very lucky to be able to call two countries home, or maybe two cities, and maybe three when I get my Irish citizenship.

Ireland could have been home for me, I fell in love with it so easily just as home should feel. There are so many things I love about Canada that England just doesn’t have, and vice versa as well. No more Sunday roast dinners, or English breakfast, no more hot boys insisting upon me drinking tea in the morning, no more waking up beside the man I have grown quite accustom to.

He insists we weren’t right for each other and he was right as I will move home. I’m surprised he suggested I try to move to Ireland, but we still wouldn’t see much of each other. He never wanted to keep me so it’s for the best we end this charade anyways… he won’t miss us having this kind of relationship, I think he will miss me, but it just won’t be that much. I should try to distance myself from this when I move home, the next time I see him it won’t be the same and I can’t pretend we will just carry on as we have the past five months. We will be separated by an ocean and a lot of land, even a few provinces as well. He could have a girlfriend when I see him next.. we probably won’t fall into each other for so many reasons.

What am I even saying? He won’t even want me because we will be done and he can get back to the life he had before I happened. He was settled on us being just friends all along, although he did say he was happy that I decided to get into this with him. I am one of a kind and he will find someone who is better suited for him than I am. I just happen to love him, and will constantly be trying to forget about him because I will miss him. I will miss his eyes, his laugh, his British to my Canadian, his smile, his hugs, his accent… also the way he cuddles me when he wakes up and the way he says “cuddle”. I will always miss him more than he will ever miss me.

xx Hailey

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