Insecurities run high

June 23/16

Why is it that sometimes the day after you were really sad of fuming mad usually is an okay day? I made an adult/mature/non-bipolar choice today. I put aside my childish games and just straight up told Liam how the times he said to me made me feel.

We get along so well, and he’s right that I have very deep-rooted insecurities because Caleb left me in a mean and nasty kind of way… those insecurities will ruin my relationship with Liam if I’m not careful. I’m lucky he is so understanding even though he doesn’t know all the reasons I act the way I do. He made me feel so much better when he called me, most guys don’t call but he does which shows me he cares about me.

We don’t have issues when we are physically with each other. I probably create problems that aren’t really there because my previous relationships have  been painful and because I thought Liam still had an end date for us. I’m pretty confident right now that he no longer has one. He is still the best guy in my life here in London and that I have ever been close to. I’m not sure why I even panic… he spends enough time with me and he does it because he wants to do it, not because I ask.

I think because I like him I worry and get nervous and I want him. If tonight is not proof enough then I’m not sure what will be. I’m so skeptical because of my previous relationship…but he cares and for now he wants me when I’m not miserable. I need to work on my insecurities… I should enjoy being with him because that’s what’s important. If I really loved him I would let all of this nonsense go and show him what he means to me. Show him that the way he handles me and my messy emotions is far greater than anyone else, and that is saying something.

I need to know that he will do as he says and just tell me as things happen. This is not perfect for me and he knows that and takes that into consideration which is really nice. I don’t think I’m ideal for him to be in a casual relationship with but I guess he doesn’t see and issues with it. I just want to know why he’s alright with me not being emotionally stable and has no issue dealing with these things when he could find someone else who is happy to be friends with benefits… he could find someone who wants to be no strings attached but he doesn’t, he keeps seeing me. I’m pretty sure that’s partially why I’m so insecure about this situation.

xx Hailey

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