I want to be with you, in your arms

June 7/16

So I miss Liam and I think maybe he misses me too. he has called me two nights in a row now even though he is on the other side of the world in a different time zone, once from England and once from the Netherlands.

He will be with me in a week, in West Wickham. He said we can order Thai food and we can jump on each other lol. he wants me around, in his bed mostly but I think he would miss me if I was to leave London. I think he has more feelings than he lets on but won’t let me in because of attachment issues – probably all on my end mind you.

Maybe he’s right, the more time I spend with him the further I fall. But it’s not easy, I love him so much and as per my usual I stand to lose it all. The way he acts and speaks to me just make me think he’s actually really into me. I honestly can’t wait to just fall into his arms and feel his arms around me, and kiss me deeply the way he does, as though there is just that perfect moment between us. The way he kissed me in Cambridge when I wasn’t expecting it, he grabbed me and pulled my into him and it felt like time just stood still for a minute.

I love how he snuggles up to me in bed, and on the couch, it just feels comfortable and I feel safe in his arms. When I can snuggle back into him and feel loved even though I know he doesn’t love me. Maybe he keeps me around because he likes being able to have regular sex and knows I am down for that.

I just want to be back in his arms, staring into his perfect blue eyes. I know we connect, even outside the bedroom. I need him to hold me, touch me, kiss me and completely encompass me. he makes me feel wanted, desired, like a princess even though we all know I’m not even close to being a princess and he makes me feel respected. He treats me so well without thinking twice about it. he kisses me like I’m all there is and I feel like he gets lost with me when we kiss.

There is passion and lust in the way he interacts with me. One day he is saying he needs room to breathe and the next he wants me to breathe the air he’s breathing. While we were out at the unofficial student bar one night with Alex he kissed me while Alex was in the washroom even though he tries to hide our relationship from people, even his house mates. I’m just so lost here but I know I want him near me, beside me, wrapped around me.

xx Hailey


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