Going home

June 1/16

So I am writting this from the plane from London Gatwick to Toronto Pearson. That’s right, I’m going home at long last. I have so much to do when I get home, I’ll have to find my summer clothes and pajamas for starters. But tonight I have family dinner with my parents and Hannah!

I will finally hold my baby girl again (my dog) and get puppy kisses that i have missed so much. I have missed Kali so much since I’ve moved, I mean I can Skype mom and dad, but Kali hates Skype. I’m so excited to finally see her tonight. And I get to see my new house as my parents moved while I’ve been away. I guess I’ll have to write about those experiences after they happen.

This past bank holiday weekend was actually much better than I thought it would be. Liam and I went to Cambridge and then to Oxford. We went punting in Cambridge, it was so nice, we had a nice sunny day. When we went out for dinner we went to this pub that served thai food, it was so good! We stayed the night in Cambridge at this place that was almost like a bedroom in a house, it was nice though.

When we were in bed together he was very snuggly which I love because its a good sign that he’s comfortable with me and wants to be close to me. He just curls up with me whereever we are, in bed, on the couch, on the train, its pretty cute.

On Monday we went back through London Paddington to Oxford and it was awesome. We really didn’t actually see much but I still really enjoyed it. On the train back to London we had a chat and I still ended up teary eyed but not in a bad way, its only because I love him.

Regardless of it all, all the relationship stuff, I love him because of who he is, the kind of person he is. He made me tell him again why I like him so much and what makes him so special. He said “I don’t know why you like me so much” and I replied with “neither do I” in a very convincing tone, and the look on his face and the reaction he gave me was priceless. He looked almost hurt but obviously I was kidding. I find it so strange that when I act like I don’t care it seems to affect him, even though there is no real reason he should be phased by my pasiveness. But I think deep down he enjoys the fact that I like him as much as I do.

I think we are starting to see different sides of each other, at dinner in Oxford we were talking about being parents one day and he told me that he thinks I will make a good mom and that he might never be a dad. I fee like we are better suited than he can see. It totally sucks being all in when they aren’t, but you can’t chase people, you shouldn’t beg for someones time or attention, it should be given freely. Begging leaves a bad precedent.

He gives me time and attention though… more that I ever expected to get. I honestly feel so lucky to have him in my life. he doesn’t have to love me, he just needs to be my friend. I have a man who fits what i want and he is best friend material too, or as he said once he gets his own “Liam box” because he said that I get my own “Hailey box” haha.

He fits into my life seamlessly and I have been able to show him every side of myself beause I can trust him, probably more than he trusts me but still, I can be vulnerable and honest with him. He will help me celebrate my successes and be a shoulder when my life is falling apart and that’s why I love him so much.

xx Hailey


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