Space

May 9/16

So after ranting yesterday I still feel annoyed… It’s been 3 days since I have spoken to Liam and its hard but I think if he wants me around he’ll tell me and make an effort. I’m done chasing after things that don’t serve me. If he lets go then I will too. I can’t consistently be the one making an effort.

If he misses me he will talk to me, when he starts to wonder why I haven’t spoken to him and when he starts to think that maybe something is wrong. I’m not sure it will happen but I’m willing to stay silent for my own reasons. I need some space for myself to be independent, and honestly he probably  needs some space from me too. I don’t need to speak to him every single day, I’m independent and I need to remind myself of that sometimes.

At the beginning of this thing he made a point of telling me he needed his space. I feel like more often than not he doesn’t really get space from me because we text a lot and we usually see each other at least once a week. Maybe that’s further playing into why he feels we are not good for each other. Maybe I’m just super clingy like I used to be and haven’t noticed it that much… I do feel that sending too much time together can be a bad thing for any relationship. I sort of feel like he is conflicted, he says he needs space and then he’s carving out all this time for me. Actions speak louder than words ever will for me, but he’s sort of screaming at me that this is surreal and this relationship we’ve had has had its time and that now it’s time for this to end regardless of how unprepared I may be.

His actions just tell me otherwise but this time I’m inclined to believe his words and try to put aside the way that he treats me. He probably treats all girls this way, I’m not special or anything. He treats all girls well, and I’m not getting any special treatment here. He told me he would have dated a girl who works with him had she been interested and single… that’s so hard for me to hear… especially knowing she cheated on her boyfriend with him, but I guess your feelings are your feelings and you can’t control them. It just hurts knowing he could so easily be with someone else… it reminds me of how Caleb gave his girlfriend  everything I wanted after he told me he wouldn’t give me those things…

xx Hailey

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