I’m getting really sad now… I gave Liam pages from my journal to read and now I’m thinking maybe that was a mistake. I have honestly thought our relationship had grown and now I’m pretty sure I just set a time bomb. I think when I’m hurting I just pull and push people because my bipolar doesn’t allow me to deal with that kind of pain effectively. And I seriously can’t deal right now… I can feel the fact that this is final sinking into my skin and I just feel hurt… and pretty unwanted really. I should probably withdraw myself from Liam and focus on myself but that’s what I the last two and a half years have consisted of. I’m fine as I am and even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t change.
These traits are inherent. But maybe a withdrawal will help me and I won’t miss him so much. You can’t miss someone you just saw yesterday. Something in my life is just missing, and I keep losing the pieces that make me feel like I’m not missing it anymore. I think this is going to go on forever or what feels like forever because no one is going to just walk into my life tomorrow that I want to be with as well as someone who wants to be with me… nothing is ever built to last…