On Thursday night I met up with Liam at a pub near King’s Cross Station in North London. I have been so sick with a cold but he told me to come because it would be fun. I’m really glad I went, we had a drink and cuddled at the back of the pub on the couches where he had reserved for some gambling thing for work earlier that night.
We took some silly photos and talked about stupid stuff. When we went back to his flat we slept together – we didn’t use a condom because I have my IUD now, just me and him skin to skin and he didn’t hold back. After that experience I felt really vulnerable for some reason… I personally feel like sex is a bonding experience, but we can’t be bonding because he doesn’t love me, and he doesn’t want me. I think thats why I felt so vulnerable, because I’m realizing fast and hard that he doesn’t feel for me the way I do for him. The end is so close I can feel it and I’m really upset and scared of it ending like this…