I had my IUD inserted yesterday, it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it would be. There were about 10 seconds of real, serious pain. It wasn’t fun or really comfortable but its over with now, thank god!!! Five years of not thinking about birth control! Also my period might go away which is a bonus.
Now onto the tough stuff… I have one weekend left with Liam, he doesn’t really seem to care… and I care too much. We are going to Ireland together soon, and I’m pretty sure I will come home in tears. I’m pretty confident I haven’t been 100% forthcoming with myself… I’ve been saying it’s just a bit of fun, but now I think I may have just fallen for him. My feelings for him are rapidly kicking in and I just want them to go away so badly.
He expects me to just turn them off in a few weeks… I’m panicking because we work in the same office and I have to see him basically every day. My feelings for him are completely irrelevant. I’m almost positive this is going to end badly on my end… I really honestly think when all is said and done I will be in my bed on that Monday night we get back from Ireland crying myself to sleep.
We can pretend we have some sort of friendship but I’m pretty sure we’ll stop talking to one another and he will do what we’re doing with other girls, maybe even girls I know… I already know right now that I will be hurting and that I will be the only one who cares.
I can’t drag my friends who are so amazing into the mess I have created for myself. I did not make these choices in my best interest really, I have just afforded myself the opportunity to have what I have wanted so badly for the past two years… this was not a total mistake, but it is in the sense that I knew the consequences of my actions.
I feel like maybe he even saw this coming… I’m not sure why he even did this thing with me knowing that this would happen/ was happening. I need to set a two-week time limit of the depression and sadness, I’m going to Paris for my birthday – that’s too good to be sad about anything.