Mind games

March 14/16

Time has been flying by, it’s already mid March. I am enjoying the time I have with Liam while I can. There will inevitable be a void to fill later on. I need to take some time to sift through my feelings and be in my normal head space for a while.

I’m slightly paranoid that he’s lying to me and playing me like a fool. That I’m just a sick little game that he’s playing. Maybe I am stupid for agreeing to this arrangement and for falling into a pit of my feelings I didn’t think I felt for him. I feel like a horny teenager when I’m with him, but he treats me well and cooks for me and cuddles with me when I’m feeling crappy, he even holds me when I’m sad.

It seems so strange to me that he’s treating me like this when he’s not invested and that fact is playing mind games with me. This isn’t love but it is something, even though apparently he’s not a good fit for me… I can’t wrap my head around how I’m feeling exactly. I miss being touched and comforted like that… like he actually cares about my. Wishful thinking I suppose…

xx Hailey

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