February 15/16

I have no reason to be hung up on some guy I really don’t know almost anything about… he would be more than happy to have a casual relationship with me but not because he has actual feelings for me…..

I think my bipolar is kicking in and I feel like this is just the calm before the storm… I can feel the depression and the mania hitting me slowly, in waves and I am so calm but my insides are being ripped apart. Soon I’ll just be numb and I’d rather that feeling over this weird upset, sadness thing I have going on at the minute.

I don’t believe I can have a casual sex relationship, I think my bipolar makes me obsess and feel things too deeply. Also I’m basically terrified of being torn apart like the last time I had these feelings. I’m only as strong as I can be… feelings really suck! I wish I could just rip them from myself and throw them in the bin… I’m getting mad, but not mad.

xx Hailey


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