Taking a step sideways

November 21/15

I believe this entry was coming for a while now – and I have just wanted to put it off because I didn’t want to talk or think about it, so here goes. I was in love, and I lost it. I’m watching sappy movies and I’m somewhat disappointed about this part of my life, the romantic part of my life… but who wouldn’t be right? He just looks happier because he moved on and now he flaunts it on Facebook, despite saying he wouldn’t do that and despite congratulating me on living out my dreams and moving to another country, England.

When do these feelings subside? When do I get to rub my happiness in his face or why do I even care? Why can’t I just let this go and unfriend him on Facebook? Does this have something to do with my story? I have so many questions and not one single answer… I still feel like I am the loser here even though I am far from being a loser. I’m young, and smart, and going places in my life. So many people don’t make it this far in life, they just coast through life.

Maybe I am still getting to write my story. Slowly because mine story is complicated and continues to become more complicated the more time goes by. England… Canada… where will my home be? Will I ever find a guy that is super attractive, sweet, amazing and in love with me? I feel as though Canada is still my home, as much as I love London and all. London was a dream I thought I would wait an eternity to see, but I get to see it now, at age 23! I’m supposed to be living my biggest dream, and I’m weak instead, hoping for an amazing guy to just fall from the sky. I am really dreaming if I think that’s a possibility.

I have had to work my ass off to make everything run smoothly, so why would/should dating be any different? Movies make it look so easy, like the perfect guy has been there all along, but in real life I don’t even have a guy like that in my life anymore…….

xx Hailey 

 

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