January, time for another change

January 26/16

My life is changing… for real… my parents are selling my childhood home. I honestly thought I wouldn’t care this much and I told myself I wouldn’t get involved… that I would stay out of it because my parents don’t have the same taste I have. I am basically moved out but not at the same time. Life should not be about things and spaces, it should be about experiences, like the one I am having right now that I am deeming unnecessary.

I feel somewhat alone in these moments, like I have very little in this country that is truly home… I wish I had someone who feels like home to me because I miss Canada, I miss the place I used to call home. There won’t be any home left for me to go back to… this feeling is like losing my one true home. When will I feel less like I am losing something, and more like this is an opportunity to grow and let go of the past?

There is a quote that says “When the past calls, don’t answer because it has nothing new to say”. That is how I should be treating this situation right now, as though my past is in the past and it is time to move forward.

Now in the present there is this cute guy at work that I can never seem to talk to… unless I’m pretty drunk… I think I might like him and I’m worried I won’t be able to sort out my feelings about him. I wish I had an opportunity to get to know him better. I think I am losing on all fronts at the moment… I’m struggling to keep up with this life that I so carelessly threw myself into. My life is moving so fast, and I wish I knew what was next.

I have these strange feelings for that guy who works in my office… he’s 28 and kind of short, but he’s cute, nice and he has good hair lol. He grew up near Bristol, South Western England, by the ocean. He is such a sweetheart though, wish he would ask me on a date… I would say yes! I have been single for ages, I miss having a man in my life. We got really drunk, we hugged and high-fived… that must count for something right?

Just this one time in the cosmic universe can I please have what I want? Can I have a boyfriend, and can I go to France, Ireland, and the Netherlands? Maybe Italy too. It would be cool if my football team could win a few games as well  🙂

xx Hailey

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